ok now

I am feeling better. I learned, read, and cried a lot since hearing of Claudia's death on Sunday. She'd been fighting non-Hodgkin's lymphoma since last year and was doing well. But, when she started to have physical issues suddenly, they did an MRI and found lesions on the brain. She bravely decided against the 2 month-long treatment that would be horrible to endure, might not work, would only add another 6 months if it worked at all, and could leave her in a vegetative state. She was transferred to hospice care and died peacefully in her wife's arms.

Beautiful.

Claudia would be disappointed if she knew how much time I had wasted, and will keep wasting, crying. She would be angry if she knew that I wasn't writing because I was too busy thinking about her. She would be supportive, tell me that "Change is good" and then ask me "What are you going to do about this?"

I am going to write.
I am going to finish.
I am going to dedicate this to Claudia. She'd think that's silly. She would tell me to leave her out of it.

And I would ignore that direction.