right now, it is all I can think about.

I can't write.
I can't concentrate.
My favorite director -
the woman I wanted to be,
the woman who knew what I could do before I did,
but never told me,
so I could realize it myself -
is dead.

"She wasn't feeling well, got some blood work which revealed cancer.
Soon, she slipped into a coma and never woke up."

I have to believe she chose to go that way.
I have to.

Nobody told Claudia Asbury what to do.
Nobody.

I miss her.
I loved her.

I remember her saying something to me after my last show -
something about how I was talented -
but I can't remember what she said.
I hate that I can't remember what she said and therefore,
if she really said it.

I suppose it doesn't matter.
I knew her.
I learned from her.

Goodbye.

Claudia Asbury was a Sophisticated Lady.

Getting it done

Script is coming together, I am thrilled to say.

THRILLED, I TELL YOU!

So far, I have written about 1/4 of the first act... maybe a 1/3? I'm not really sure at the moment as I keep adding and cutting. BUT what I have written is slowly being typed up. Formatting a play is NOT all that fun but it does look pretty good. Right now, there are two scenes written in long-form that I still need to type up. But then, I am all caught up and can keep going.

I like this process. This, I find odd. I usually get to the point where I hate it - it gets too hard, I get stuck - and, because I have nothing riding on it, I quit. But the fact that people know I am doing this, others are involved... the keeps me at it. Notice, I did not say I keep going because of Susan. I know the woman is far too busy to pay attention to this right now. That's why I was given the go-ahead in the first place.

I was just telling a friend a few days ago that I missed college. I LOVED college. I loved the discussions, debates, lectures... I even loved writing papers. I was SUCH a nerd! Only, unlike most nerds, I sucked at taking notes. Whatever. I am writing again. I will say it again, I like this process.

1. Write out notes/outline for scene
2. Write scene
3. Realize that what I wrote is pretty frickin' awful
4. Rearrange, cut, add, scrap, re-try
5. Get stuck
6. Start again
7. Write out scene, long-hand, in about 10 minutes
8. Wonder what the hell took so long
9. Have a third party (read, Kelly) read what I have to double-check it for consistency.
10. Type it up, editing while I go.

I realized yesterday that I sort of forgot to write the opening scene. Oops. That's not a huge problem as it is not a huge scene. Still, I do think that it is pretty funny. I will have to double-back for it.

Sweet!

I am starting to think that the Windmill Diner is really good luck. That's where I've been BOTH times I ended up figuring out a scene that gave me nothing but trouble and ended up be fabulous. And it's not just me! Kelly came by today and read what I had scribbled down. When she came back, she said (drum roll, please)...

"I love it. It's great."

AWESOME!

I am starting to really understand these characters. And the ideas keep coming.

I have also decided to just write. Before, I was thinking more about the songs and trying to make the story fit them. NOW - I have finally figured out how to just write and let the story go where it goes and allow the songs to fit into that later on.

...next

I have now finally... and I mean FINALLY figured out a scene. It was a bitch. Seriously. First draft (of that scene) - done. Moving on.

coming together

Slowly blocking out new scenes. There are characters that are giving me trouble. I don't understand them yet. Lots and lots of characters sketches have been done. I will surely do more. Boo. They are not as fun as you might expect. I understand the main character. She's intelligent, funny, witty... me. You know - that's how I roll.

But, in general, I am getting this done.

I start typing it all up very soon. I think once I do that, I will know more about what I have or - I fear - what I don't have.

I am excited, though. Very. Here we go.

Procrastination

I have now learned that if I cannot write a scene, it is better to put it off and work on something else first.

I also get to drink! This I can get in to!

See, here's the thing. There is a scene that happens in a bar. I never go to bars... ever. So, how the hell am I supposed to write something that happens in one without going out for a drink? I CAN'T! So, drinks will be had. Not so many that I slur my writing. Not by a long-shot.

BUT I am piecing it more and more.

While looking around for new opportunities, new projects, new everything... FUN TIMES!

...um

I'm stuck. I have the next scene I need to finish at least partly blocked out. I know what happens in general. I understand the scene after that better. I can't stop thinking about the scene I have already written - it isn't quite right. And I know what will make it better, but then - will I be up-ending entire pieces? This is a bit like a Sodoku puzzle that I've messed up. I know that there was a mistake at some point, but how many other mistakes has it caused me to make?

starting to find answers

"Have you been so inspired you couldn't get to sleepin'?"
- Susan Werner
"Attend the Sky"

Yes. Yes, I have.

Last night, while I TRIED to sleep at 1:30 am... a scene started to write itself. No matter how hard I tried... the characters keep going in my head. The songs kept playing over and over.

I've been playing with this piece for about a month now. The plot has grown, moved, changed, been expanded, streamlined... I'm digging it. A lot.

Act One gave me trouble.

How do I do this?
CAN I do this?
What is the right way to do this?
Should I just do it my way? (Stop the Frank Sinatra in your head)

After several hours with Kelly, texts and phone calls to Laura, and some discussions that didn't really have anything to do with the play... Act One is outlined.

Of course, I expect it to change a bit more. But I actually like what I've got. I have thrown in some of the most seemingly ridiculous conflicts... I mean, these people are kind of screwed up. But I love them.

I've got a few scenes written, long-hand, in a notebook. If it weren't such a royal pain in the ass to get the formatting done properly, they would already be typed up. But that will happen.

This will all happen.

I just meant to listen

On Sunday, 25 April 2010... my life changed.

I had simply meant to attend a small concert in Ridgefield, CT. Susan Werner was in town - and wouldn't be back in the area until the middle of next year. I had bought the Live at Passim album late in 2008 and addded the Gospel Truth to my collection shortly thereafter. Months of listening to her exclusively passed and I realized that there was a story to be told in the songs. I bought more, the story grew. Her music is infectious and I love her. So I paid the $17 and drove the 20 minutes down the road.

When I arrived, I got the idea... "I should take notes." I don't know what made me think that. But I wanted to write down my observations. I went back to my car and when I returned to the room, the seat I had originally wanted was taken. So I walked to the front row, where there were four seats, one all the way at the end, on the left and sat there.

Susan walked out and immediately started in on her set. She went seemlessly from Kicking the Beehive to a song from The Gospel Truth (for whatever reason, I can't remember which one, though I think it was Did Trouble Me - I know this from my notes:
"Christians, Jews, Hindus, Agnostics, all of us - nodding in agreement - this is truly amazing.).

And I sat, ecstatic to just BE there, taking my notes. After the first two, she stopped to talk about the imspirations behind them and then she turned and looked at me and said "What are you writing? Are you grading me? Oh, yeah that one was good. Not so much the other one." I spoke up and said no, I was just taking notes. In fact, I was the one who suggested that someone write a musical around some of her songs. And she perked up. "Oh!" turning to the audience she said "She's my friend on facebook. She thinks that there's a play in my songs." Then she turned back to me and said "I'm gonna come talk to you at intermission." AND SHE DID!

Now, as we spoke, it was more about my aspirations to build programs for children that teach open communication (she has already set me up with a contact in California who wants to help me out) BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT! I made her laugh and she is "honored" that I want to write the musical... on which she gave me the go-ahead AND free reign ("I'm too close to it. Don't tell me. Just write it.")

So now the process starts... A while back, a friend decided to quit her job and write a book that would not leave her alone. She blogged about it. Another friend wrote an entire novel for National Novel Writing Month. 50,000 words in 30 days. She wrote about it on facebook. BOTH of them are hugely inspirational to me.

I am daunted.
I am ecstatic.
I am a writer.